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Sunday, November 28, 2010

No, wait...THIS is who I want to be this winter/year/forever

And by that, I don't mean that I want to be a greaser, nor do I really want to look like one, per say, piece by piece, but this is the general feeling I want to exude, but mixed with princess. I do believe that the jean jacket, or "tough" denim could make a considerable comeback as an "attitude" piece, with less elitism than a leather jacket, and more a more urbane meetcha-out-back-for-a-smoke-or-a-rumble-or-a-shag look. However! I do believe that the jean jacket is a specific piece, that cannot (or rather SHOULD not) be dressed up any further than your local dive bar or used book shop. It is not sleek, and the fashion industry should no longer try to make it so, in my opinion (with the exception of the jean SHIRT which is not a jacket, people, and can indeed be more versatile, tucked in or out, fitted or boxier, suspenders, vest, a nice boutonniere of some sort, perhaps). this girl. She has tried to turn the jean jacket, a classically androgynous piece, into mall gear. She looks too stiff, and the acid wash only makes her makeup look cakier. I would also like to point out that the jean jacket is hardly flattering to any aspired feminine shape. It naturally adds a touch of butch to any outfit, and should be embraced as such.

The jean jacket should be accessorized with flushed red, just-finished-tagging-that-train-car-or-shooting-a-guerrilla-movie-about-subway-performers cheeks, and subtler makeup, preferably slightly smudged kohl eyeliner applied the night before, daring to let the world see any walk of (un)shame you might be on. I also believe that my makeup and hair can sometimes be like pizza: better cold, the morning after. The jean jacket should be styled spontaneously, with nothing but a sponge bath, a joint, and a tube of chapstick. The jean jacket should put some cock in your step, some musk in your scent, some romance behind your ears.

The jean jacket should be accompanied by a subtle showing of a soft beer belly, peeking out from under a (stained) tee of some muted aged color, and for the hipster, this tee should obviously advertise for one's favorite indie-thrash-art-punk band of the moment. Either way, a belly display is one of the sexiest accessories anybody can have, especially for female-bodies, and especially when there is a bit of belly hair included, or perhaps an old-English tattoo. The model above is at least appropriately utilizing her belly, which is probably much flatter than it looks in this photo. I love that!

My current dilemma is deciding whether fuzzy-lined or un-lined is better, for on one hand, lined is perhaps much more comfortable, especially in the winter months, and especially for the those fans of the simple tee-shirt. But on the other hand, unlined would function year round, and, depending on the level of loose to the fit, could be bundled up with another classic androgynous piece: the hoodie.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Coldness. Periodic warmness that heats the heart first. Periodic spells. Love spells, food spells, party spells, anxiety spells, school spells. Spells that last a night with reverberating repercussions for the following weeks, or months, or years, or lifetimes. I am in the process of sorting out the various spells cast upon my heart and fate as of late. All of these have been cast mostly by my own proverbial hand.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Lovely. Just Lovely.

I'm feel like it's growing on me. Los Angeles, that is. It might be the fact that the weather is a lot like typical Seattle weather today, only without the bite. Maybe it's all of the chocolate I've been eating. Maybe it's the full moon in Scorpio tomorrow, or the amazing bird store I went to today with all the amazing and friendly beebs. Maybe it's the pumpkin spice, the piece of quartz I keep in my bra, or the awesome grades I'm getting in school these days. Maybe it was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at 9:30 A.M.. Maybe it's the plane ticket my Pa booked for me for the holidays, or the US weekly I've got waiting on the bed next to me. Maybe it's the little bit of water weight I've lost, or the adjustment my lungs are making to the air. Maybe it's the bath salts, or the kitties I live with, or the fresh sheets on the bed.

It's all of these lot's of really awesome PEOPLE. It's the people that challenge me here, but the few friends I've made, and the daily connections that really make it happen for me here. It's the new buddy I'm meeting to window shop with tomorrow, and the buddies I'll meet up with tonight for dancing. It's the Poni on the bed with me. It's Young Wil Adams, bless his sexy heart, and Rachelle the Amazon. It's Lauren the sexy Virgo nerd boi, and Morgan my newest heart-t0-heart friend. It's Jane and Lara, and Hayden with and all her hilarity. It's the random celeb run-ins that add a splash of candy to my social diet. It's the letters I recieve from my buddies from home. It's my absolutely amazing and inspiring teachers. In fact, the people I meet here are overall very wonderful, when one is in the right mood to see them that way. I am in an amazing mood, feeling totally blessed, lucky, alive, smart, chic, friendly, and healthy. I am feeling happy here.

And I wonder what to blog about, really, when I'm in one of these candy cane moods. This is a blog to appease those who expect reports, but to be honest I much prefer blogging about something more...poetic, or political, or at least highly charged with my opinions. I wonder if my readers might be yawning and feeling a bit sickly reading something so bland as to how adjusted, or happy, or lucky I might be right now. If I were in a darker mood and talking to another version of myself in the mood I'm in now, I would probably feel like taking a nap.

Actually...I do feel like taking a nap. x.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Homophobia/Will Someone Please Teach Me How To Take Photos In Which My Face Doesn't Look Like A Moonpie?

Last night I was lucky enough to be able to attend a GAY-la celebrating the anniversary of the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. It was truly magical, to say the least, uniting two of my most favorite things: gays and celebs. The really magical parts included gays that were ALSO celebs, which really packed a wallop in the gut-wrenchingly-awesome category of life. I got to brush shoulders and briefly hobnob with many of my long-time favorites. Lilli Tomlin, Perez Hilton, and Jane Lynch, to name a few. Perez thought we had met before and I wondered for a second, like an idiot, "Can he see me through the computer screen?!" Lilli Tomlin dropped her clip-on earring and I got to pick it up and give it back to her, and Jane Lynch told me I smelled nice. Those things alone pretty much wrapped the night up in a gossamer bow for me. BUT, those things aside, the night also helped me deal emotionally with a few themes that have been painting my life-colored-glasses for the past while.

The center's CEO Lorri Jean spoke and was particularly inspiring. Not only did she fill my already wine-warmed heart with hope, but also with validation. It was so nice to have someone give a damn good speech about the reality of not only how far the gays have come in this world, but she also touched ever so gently but effectively on the subject of the still-very-real-and-harsh reality of how far the gays have to go STILL. Not to be a Negative Nancy, but I feel like that is one of the most important things a community can give anyone. The spoken validation that a.) You/I/Hypothetical You or I are/am NOT CRAZY for thinking that the world is still annoyingly tense and scary. And b.) I/You/Hypothetical You or I feel the same things. Empathy. It takes breaking down the walls of communication, and by that I mean the plexi-glass Disney-cartoon painted walls the world likes to put up around problems, to feel comfortable opening up, let alone celebrating, the success the queer community has worked so hard to enjoy.

Jane touched delightfully on the subjects of narcissism and laziness, and spoke sardonically about how these things keep her from being an activist, per say. She reminded us all that she never intended her life to be a political statement, but lo and behold, her being an out gay person has been extremely important to her career. Like Lilli Tomlin and so many others, simply by being herself, she has become not only a Hollywood icon, but a political icon as well. In a way, many people I know are political icons simply by being who they are. At least they are to me. I can think of quite a few queers who have been so deeply, deeply inspiring to me throughout the years and have paved the road for me, so to speak, and inspired me to come out of my own stuffy closet. I still feel shy congratulating those people and thanking them for what they have meant to me, and if I didn't know better now than to out people, I would sing their praises from the rooftops, mountaintops, any kind of top, really. (Heheh.)

And I wouldn't sing the praises of gays only, dear Lord! I would sing the praises of many a sexual people who have been brave enough to talk about sex as if it were a real and important and extremely relevant issue at all times. I would sing to those who have a sense of humor about it, one that was strong enough to have me belly laughing about my own sexual self. I would sing the praises of those who have been survivors of sexual assault/rape/molestation (because statistically and in my experience, almost EVERYONE I know has suffered some sort of violation of this type, MYSELF INCLUDED) and have spoken up about it, made it known so others could feel comfortable claiming their own survivor-status in the community of others like themselves. Sexuality and sex have and always will be extremely RELEVANT issues.

I have to remind myself not to be ashamed every day. It's okay to be QUEER. It's okay to be sexual. And it is okay to talk about it. It's okay that others feel uncomfortable with me and my sexuality and perhaps my openness about those things because that is ultimately their problem, though it may feel so heavily like mine sometimes. It's okay to want to hang out with other queers a lot of the time and to feel validated by the conversation, community, and style they offer. It's okay to have felt pain having come out of the closet and to continue to struggle. It may feel so subtle at times...too subtle and too carefully blanketed by mainstream society's need-to-normalize, to comfortably speak about it or to call the world out on it.

I don't really feel like an activist, either, though I have had my glory days putting together Take-Back-The-Night rallies and leading Menstrual Pride clubs in my undergrad days. Those days were so deeply important, wickedly fun, and empowering as all hell, but I do feel like I have other fish to fry in terms of career moves. But I will never stop caring about good, real, and important activist work, and I will never stop being grateful for those who work so hard to make the world better for others. As I told my brother Pat before he left for the Ukraine to work for the Peace Corp, I think giving so wholeheartedly to others in the form of direct action is pretty much the most honorable thing a person can do.

I say all this today, in this here blog, because homophobia has been in my life as of late. Well, it has always been in my life, but I think I hit a special grace period in Seattle when it felt like queers were finally normal and homophobia was only an occasional weirdness. Just the other week I was telling my friend, who is struggling to deal with his family's "intolerance" of his sexuality, that his family would come around, just as people in my life have... And now I feel the awkward pain and confusion all over again. But homophobia is something that lurks in all of us, isn't it? It is kind of contagious. Once people I care about feel it and express it to me, I start to feel homophobic and ashamed myself, because it has been so deeply embedded in my wrinkles of time.

Validation or not, I have to set aside my internalized homophobia. Rather than set it aside, I have to burn it in effigy every so often, as I do my other struggles and fears, because it is not something to dwell on or be given any power. Though it will always be there, it must always be fought. And though it may seem gone from time to time, I, and my community, should be prepared to fight it again and again and again.

Talk to each other, people, but be careful and aware of what is coming out of your mouth. Ask yourself what your problem really is...if you have one. Homophobia is so, so often internalized first and then directed towards others, if you get my drift, and most out and proud gays know this.

For the questioning
For Parents
For those who might just need a sexier sex life, solo or not...
For those who might need a sex convo starter...
Susie Bright is really smart...
For those who need cheap but awesome counseling (I mean, don't we all?!)<---(for Seattle-ites.) For those who live in Los Angeles, this is what I've got so far. I have yet to get the tour...

For those readers of mine living in or around Seattle who might need a sexy pick me up, check out the burlesque scene! It's huge, it's chalked full of talent, and it's amazingly sex-positive and affirming. You could take a date, just watch by yourself, OR you could try twirling your own tassels! People of all ages, shapes, colors and creeds are sexy, sexual people...and can do burlesque! Also, the Center For Sex Positive Culture is in Seattle and is an amazing resource for EVERYONE. I miss the culture of Seattle deeply, and a lot of that is due to the amazing and colorful community of support and awareness the people there have concerning sexuality and gender. Take advantage!!!

As was pointed out to me again so thoughtfully on last week's episode of Glee, prejudice is just ignorance. We all have the responsibility to educate ourselves, for the sake of ourselves, and the ones we love. We all have the capacity to love each other and ourselves. My favorite yoga teacher in Seattle, Molly at the Samarya Center, inspires me, when I remember to think of her words, to grow MORE capacity for love as I get older, not less. In no way do we need to become more confined as we get older, and there is almost always a way out of that hole you've dug yourself into, though you might have to ask for someone's help to do so.

Peace and Love to you all.

Another GAY fundraising event tonight! Stay tuned...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Gettin In The Groove

Last night's episode of Glee nearly made me shit stars.

I have a maddening...MADDENING crush on Chris Colfer's character Kirt. As I told Poni last night in between squeals and other teen-girl expressives, "I want to smell him! I bet he smells like milk!"

Also, I have so much respect for that show. So much optimism, amazing tunes (I am a Musical Theater grrrl, afterall...), so funny, and....THE GAYS DON'T DIE. I love that there are no dead gays so far.

Two things to be dually noted about a good film or television show:
There is no raping of the women.
The gays don't die.

AND I love Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" song so so much and it reminds me of Hannah-and-me-blasting-sweet-pop-tunes-in-her-car-while-we-talk-about-our-boyfriends-moving-to-L.A. I love that the boys and girls switched up the gender roles a bit (Though I thought the styling could have been a bit more gender adventurous...but I always think that. I thought that recently when Glee star Jane Lynch was featured on SNL and was cast only as slutty mom, or crazy old lady, or whoever she was...I was hoping to see her as a sleazy masculine janitor, perhaps, or some stuffy butch political figure...though I do think her feminine interpretations were nothing short of HILARIOUSLY funny as per usual...but I digress into a million "..."s.)

Maybe it's my recent do-them-or-be-them? dilemma meditating that has me thinking an awful lot about switching it up...

I tend to be attracted to gender-benders and always have been. Male/female or what have they/you, I have always assumed my feminine role to be fixed. But recently I've been feeling super confined and suffocated in my girly wear, so I took a cue from those I have so admired my entire life. I've been playing with chest binding and wearing my bf's preppy clothes, feeling decidedly like a teen boy and all about it. Though mind you, I usually end up in a mini skirt the next day, it's nice to have a go in another pair of "shoes," if you will. Or "pants," if you will. Or "underoos," if you will.

I had to chisel under my L.A. Barbie pink acrylic nails, though. They really didn't go with my butch-wear, nor are they easy to play instruments with.

On a scholarly note, I have been enjoying my homework immensely. I love drawing for hours on end. I don't care what my feminist brain says, I love drawing freakishly thin alien women! It is so satisfying. Like eating twinkies. I love my sewing class even though it's a bit boring. I have had excellent teachers in the sewing department throughout my life. But boredom aside, I love the machinery, the culture-shock the student population offers me (though I may complain sometimes for lack of insta-friends), and the totes-adorbs sewing teacher who really really cares about teaching sewing. I love my business of fashion class more than anything. Who knew I was a business woman? Something about this place has my entrepreneurial gears turning. I didn't even know I HAD entrepreneurial gears! I have been rolling my eyes at my Dad's E-gears so much throughout my life and hadn't realized my own interest in the subject!

We'll see what I do with that, though I will say I have things cooking. Or rather, things are being prepared in little piles to be tossed into a stew and cooked.

So far the biggest obstacles to my own enjoyment of this place are as follows: myself, pollution, and multiple-choice tests.

***keep checking side pages for updated fashion-y tidbits!***

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Queer Fashion

Since I am a moony Cancer baby with an ascendant sign in Scorpio, and affinity for Scorpios (see Julia Roberts), and the current moon cycle is moving into Scorpio, I am taking Rob Brezney's astrological forcast for Scorpio seriously this week.

As I lay out a mental map of where I want my career to go, it tends to head straight...or rather, GAYly forward, over the rainbow. A few weeks ago, I attended an amazing fashion show to kick of a weekend-long event called Butch Voices LA. (For those who know him, see if you can spot my lover boy on their website!) I noted several things at this super refreshing event. Among them were:
1. There ARE gender-benders in Los Angeles! (I had only been here a couple weeks but had already become exasperated at their lack of visibility)
2. Whew! They are HOT.
3. Some amazing (and not so amazing) fashion exists for these lovelies.
4. I feel a strong sense of purpose having moved here and witnessed this event, and I finally know what I want to do with my life...

I want to make clothes for queers. I want to make fashion for those I am passionate about. I want to tap into the market I so love to tap. Ha! I want to see them happy, dapper, sly, sexy, understood, catered to, loved, and at any and all price ranges. As much as I love hanging out in the men's dressing rooms with my lover boy, I believe that the increasing prevalence of acceptance for my gender-f*cking community members requires a different shopping experience. My fantasy dressing room would be much more colorful and never gender-segregated...just like my other fantasies! My fantasy clothing line would be created to validate identities that have too long been closeted. PUN INTENDED.

A woman named Parisa Parnian, the esteemed fashion diva and designer of Rigged OUT/Fitters, was the keynote speaker, and totally inspired me. Apparently, she left her well-paying job as a designer for a major fashion label to start her own line of queer clothing. The line flopped, but her spirit did not, and she sent chills of excitement down my spine as I imagined attempting to take up those same reins...

For now, I will devote at least part of this blog (see my Fashion I Find Interesting page for listings) to gender-bending fashion and fashion influences. Please feel free to contact me or post comments with any ideas you might like to add!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Blogging something I have to fit into my now ridiculously packed schedule. So this one will be brief. To keep any and all updated: I do try to blog every Tuesday, but today, due to the leaping waves of hectic panic I feel in anticipation of the hours of sketching, scheming, studying, researching, friend-making, resume updating, list-making, food eating (God willing), and all the other "ings" I am on my way to do, I am allowing myself the occasional blograstition until the following Friday. SO if I haven't blogged on a Tuesday, I will do so by the weekend. GOD I am so busy and important!

On that note, see you this weekend!